My Top 20 Moments In 2013, As Told To Me By Facebook

So Facebook has this new feature where Zuck tells you what your best moments of the last year were.  At first I was all like, “Stupidest idea ever” but now I’m all like, “ehh, fuck it…blog material”  Here it is.  The most important moments of my life in 2013 as told to me by a computer.


Phenomenal cover. Phenomenal.  Pimp City, population Me.


12:01 January 1st. Sending the world electronic New Year’s kisses.


January 6th! Look at me starting off the year with the truest statement ever said!! Also, #nofatchicks


One of the worst hangovers of my life. Can’t even remember why. I just knew I had to tell my story.  Fucking Groundhog’s Day, man.


Apparently #drinkthirty was a big moment in my life. Thanks, Facebook. Cause I’ve never had a beer before. Also, great prep school face by Katie here.


FUCK skittle bombs. 100% blackout guarantee whenever I get tricked* into drinking these. But kudos on the sheer quantity.


This one speaks for itself. Republicans blame Obama for everything whether it’s his fault or not. Average President, and possibly the most polarized America ever.


Katie back at it again on the popularity polls. This time she’s stationed up in the R2D2 cooler at Chateau Fazoole.


Bergs…our badass.


Papa actually entering the Levels Nightclub premises might very well be his top moment of 2013. It was a moment in the history of Papadom that we never saw coming. June 14, a date which will live in infamy.


Really confused by this one. 1 fucking like and it’s a top moment? My life is #soexciting.


Highly underrated contender for image of the year. Kelly Kapowski shirt is pure fire flames and the bucket hat was one of my most important purchases in twenty thirteen before bucket hats were back in.


#SharkWeek. Greatest week on television 20 years running.


Kennett Square all over ESPN as they broadcast the 2013 Big League World Series. We lost, but it was cool as shit to have my old little league playing for a world championship. Was all over the news for a few weeks in Philly as they made their run. Got escorted through town by all the fire trucks and police.


Winning Asshole of the Week in fantasy was the only thing I won in fantasy this year. Had Manning on the bench Week 1 for the second best QB performance in history and had Shady on the bench when he broke the Eagles single-game rushing record that was standing since the 40s. Fantasy whiz kid, I tell you.


And I did and it was glorious. Becoming my new M-O.


My one and only Penn State tailgate of the year. Birthdays, booze, and beating Michigan in triple OT was a diabolical combination. Don’t remember the second half/OT and had to look up the score Sunday morning to see if we won. Did it right.**


The fact that I have to look at my college stalker trying to swallow my tongue again because so many of you assholes liked and/or commented on it is atrocious.  But if I have to see it again, so do you.  I’m still convinced my buddies got her number and used to text her where we were going just to take these incriminating photos for use later on in life.  Easily my most active post of 2013 and it wasn’t even my post. #Vomitinmymouth


Edward 40 Hands was a shitshow and none of those pictures even show us taped up.  Just curing hiccups with matches in water, spoons of sugar, scare tactics, and taking shots of bourbon over Skype with the roommate’s boyfriend in Alaska.  GREAT night.


My thoughts on Thanksgiving night shopping with a zillion other people. Rock solid argument.


Easily my third-most liked but proudest post of 2013 and I meant every word of it. Also, sneaky truest comment ever by Mad. All three are necessities.

Well thanks Facebook.  It was fun.  But you missed some pretty big events like Point to Point, my birthday when I did nothing, Meg and Mark’s wedding in OBX, John Mayer Central Park concert, Faz turns 40, ANY #Culture blog where I get to put the best 0:02 second sound byte in history embed into it, Jake gets back to Diamond status on hhonors, and the roommate moves to Alaska going away party.  Kinda cool though to go back and revisit your old posts without having to dig through the other 5000.

*Tricked is not the right word.  More like take willingly because they’re fucking delicious.

**Fucking gin buckets…

PS – There’s still two weeks left to go, so I have to make sure I don’t do jack fucking SHIT in the next 17 days or it’s really going to fuck up my top moments.  Limiting myself to the couch, kitchen, and bedroom.  Not even putting on pants until January 1.  Then I know I won’t be leaving my house for anything there’s only a small probability I leave the house. #defgonethroughMcDonaldssdrivethruwithoutpants

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