BREAKING NEWS: Women Are Grumpy In The Morning!!

Daily Mail – If the woman in your life woke up grumpy this morning, don’t be too hard on her. It is, apparently, only natural.  Scientists have discovered that women need more sleep than men. And chances are, she’s not getting enough.  

In fact the best thing a loving husband or partner can do is perhaps persuade her to get a few extra hours snuggling under the duvet. Or face the consequences…‘We found that women had more depression, women had more anger, and women had more hostility early in the morning,’ 

It took a scientific study to determine that women a fucking awful to deal with in the morning??  Here’s you’re scientific study.  Women are bitches.  All of them.  They’re independent, yet incredibly needing.  Even on the rare occasion they’re smart, they act incredibly stupid.  When they compliment each other, they never mean it.

Here’s Jake’s guide to making a woman happy:

  1. Wake up, take a shower
  2. Tell her to “come look at this,” but promise it’s not a turd.  Flop your dick around in front of her.
  3. Leave for work immediately after pouring her a cup of coffee while she’s upstairs.
  4. Apologize for her cold coffee.
  5. Never ignore her texts during the workday.  Remember, she’s making dinner and watching the kids, so if you don’t answer, you must be cheating.
  6. Apologize for having to attend the biggest meeting of the year on the project you own.
  7. Ask when you’re favorite dinner meal is going to be ready as soon as you walk in the door.
  8. Apologize for that thing that’s your fault.
  9. Take another shower before bed.
  10. Flop your dick around in front of her.
  11. Make sweet, passionate sex to her for a full 30 seconds.
  12. Don’t apologize, she knew what she was getting into.
  13. Go down on her.  Don’t forget to use a finger.  One will suffice.  Curl it towards your nose. Repeat until she grabs your hair and convulses.
  14. Understand and accept that she will still be the same old bitch in the morning, and you knew what you were getting into.

You’ll keep her miserable for years.

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